My Dad spent the majority of his career as an officer in the United States Air Force. Which meant that I spent nearly all of my childhood moving from place to place following my Dad around to his next promotion. Growing up as a military “brat” was actually pretty awesome. We moved every one to three years and got to spend a lot of time traveling and learning about new places. One time, as we we’re anticipating our upcoming move to the SHAPE base in Belgium my Dad came home from work and told use that he had good news and bad news.

The good news was that although his orders had been changed and we were no longer headed to Belgium, we were still going to a foreign country.

The bad news is that “country” was Alabama. ☺ (Roll Tide!)

The best thing about moving all the time was that we were constantly making new friends. Each time we’d transfer we would typically move into on-base housing where there were always lots of other kids who had either just moved there as well, or we’re just getting ready to move on. We didn’t have the time to create cliques; we needed friends NOW, so that process became very easy. We walked up to another kid and simply said, “Do you want to be my friend?” More often than not they said something like “sure, let’s go play”. Now, I realize that as adults this process can be much more challenging, so I decided to take some lessons from the Christmas Classic How The Grinch Stole Christmas to help us learn about making and keeping friends:

Stop Being Such a Fuddy Duddy – The Grinch hated the fact that Christmas in Who-ville created all of that commercialization and commotion. Couldn’t people just quiet down? He was so self centered that he felt victimized by all of the happiness coming from the town. He couldn’t see that others were embracing this season instead of fighting against it and that it was making them happy. It’s easy to fall into this type of behavior, especially around the holidays. The stress seems to increase this time of year, but that’s primarily because we’re fighting it instead of realizing that this happy time is a opportunity for us all to connect with one another and actually to slow down. Change your mindset about things that used to annoy you. Embrace opportunities to abolish old beliefs.

Get Out Of Your Cave – If you don’t get out and about every now and then you’ll never have the chance to meet new friends. The Grinch spent 53 years wallowing alone in his own misery, and it wasn’t until he decided to get out of his cave and go to town that he finally saw some good in others. When we isolate ourselves we lose the opportunity to connect and we get stuck in our own thoughts.

Let Go Of Your Childhood Injuries – As a child the Grinch was bullied because he was different than all of the other kids growing up in Who ville. This injury lead to him isolating himself and becoming a bitter victim of his own false beliefs. While the things that have happened to us in the past can be hard to reconcile, the only way to move forward is to find a way to let them go and press forward.

Start With One Special Friend – Cindy Lou Who was a special little girl who didn’t see the ugliness in the Grinch that he thought everyone else saw. She simply saw another person that she wanted to befriend. There are people like that in real life too. They typically come around when we least expect it and often times don’t look at all like who we thought would be our friend. Instead of judging this person and pushing them away, or avoiding them altogether, take some time to embrace the fact that this person likes you. Make the effort to spend time with this person and learn about them as well. Before you know it, you’ll have a friend.

Let Go Of Grudges – Many of us hold grudges, some may last years, as did the Grinch’s grudge (in the live –action adaptation of the film) to the people of Who-Ville about ridiculing him for shaving in an attempt to woo Martha May Who. This grudge, held for many years, kept the Grinch not only from having friends and being a part of the Who-Ville community, but also from realizing that Martha May actually still held feelings for him after all of those years. The key to letting go of grudges is to first forgive ourselves for holding onto the grudge for so long. We are all imperfect and feeling badly toward someone is a natural response, but the longer we hang on to this feeling, the harder it becomes to let go. The shame of “knowing better”, but no doing better often is the real pain that we feel. Then we must forgive others for the behavior that caused the grudge in the first place. After all, we are all in a constant state of growth and chances are that the other person feels bad about the breakdown too.

Do Good Things For People – After spending the whole night stealing the presents from the people of Who-Ville and returning to his cave intent on dumping all of the presents over a cliff, the Grinch hears the people in town singing joyful Christmas songs instead. It’s at this point that he realizes that “maybe Christmas perhaps, means a little bit more” and his heart suddenly grows three sizes. The Grinch, now convinced that doing good for people, no matter what he feels they’ve done to him, returns to the village and returns their presents and joins in their Christmas Feast. Doing good for others, with nothing expected in return, helps us endear ourselves to others.

If You Want To Be Invited, You Must Invite – In my vision of what happens after the credits roll in the movie, the Grinch invites everyone to his place for a party. In a prior life, I often found myself asking “why don’t I get invited to things?” I mean, I’m a nice guy and a helluva lot of fun at a party. How come no one wants me at their party? What I’ve learned over time is that people want to feel wanted and there is no better way to make someone feel wanted than to invite them to do things with you. If you want to have a friend that invites you to things, you would do well to make the first step and spend time inviting THEM to do things with you. This simple act makes people feel like they are important to you and that will make them want to spend more time with you.

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