“What qualifies you to do this work?”

It’s a question that I’m asked quite often. While I’m tempted to respond that I have an MBA, or that I’ve worked with over 150 entrepreneurs over the past 18 years, or that I’ve helped business owners create literally millions of dollars of ADDITIONAL PROFIT in their businesses, the fact of the matter is that while each of those things adds credence to my resume, they are not what QUALIFIES me to do this type of work. I am qualified to do this kind of work because I have a GIFT, and I believe that we are talented in the areas of our giftedness.

Today, as I write this, I am 46 years old. That means that when I started coaching I was 28 years old. (A baby!) I will tell you that the advice that I give today is nearly identical to the advice that I’ve been giving for each of my preceding 18 years. The beauty of age is that as we get older, others seem to think that we are now smarter, or wiser, or more able. Certainly we have more experience, but are we truly any smarter, wiser, or more able? The advice that I give now, at 46 is the same advice that I gave at 28. How could this be?

Here’s what I believe: We are endowed with certain gifts when we are created. Through growth and practice we may hone and enhance these gifts, but they are THERE at the beginning.

Think about it.

The things you are good at today, while more than likely tempered by your experience, are essentially the SAME things that you were good at 10 or 20 years ago. These are your GIFTS. Everyone has some sort of innate gift. You may not think that you are particularly gifted, but if you take a closer look at yourself, you’ll discover there is some skill or ability you possess in more abundance than others. Sure, there may be someone out there who is even better at this particular ability, but that’s not the point; you also have an increased ability in this area relative to your other skills and aptitudes. Maybe you’re a better athlete than musician, or maybe you’re a better artist than mathematician. You know where you are gifted and where you are not.

The expression of these gifts comes out as a TALENT. For example, you may be gifted at expressing things through beautiful words. Your talent may be writing those words in such a way that others can see the beauty that you see. The gift is innate, the talent allows you to express the gift.

There are five essential elements to a Gift:

• Your Gift gives you purpose. It’s the answer to the “Why?” or “What’s the point?” To continue with the example of writing, it’s the answer to, “Why do you write?”.
• It’s unique to you and confirms your purpose. This is unlike skill, where anyone can learn to write and even learn to write well. Someone with a gift in communication, applied to writing, will be able to not only write well but communicate a message so that people feel the same things that they feel. Typing a technically correct sentence is considered writing, but without the gift of communication, it doesn’t reach an audience in the same way.
• We do it unconsciously and effortlessly. We can never explain to others how we do it; we just do it. It brings energy and passion to our skills, talents, and career. It is why we do what we do.
• We can’t teach it. How many times have you been asked, “How do you do it?” If it’s truly a gift, you likely won’t be able to answer that question, nor break it down into a process for someone to understand.
• It brings you joy. Regardless of results or outcome – like wealth or success – just living your gifts brings you joy and fulfillment. One of the clues to figuring out your gift(s), is determining whether what you’re doing is something that you’re passionate about and would dofor free – if so, chances are you’ve found a gift.

It’s often difficult to differentiate between gift and talent, but the biggest difference is that Gift is used throughout our life, not just in one area and with one skill. Gift is apart from functionality or skill. It can’t be learned, it can’t be taught, and it doesn’t need development. It’s part of our identity as we were given it at our creation. It is the reason for our life and leads us on our path. Sometimes we have difficulty putting it into words, but we know it when we use it. Giftedness is the unique way in which you function. It’s the inborn core strengths and natural motivation you instinctively and consistently use to do things that you find satisfying and productive. Your giftedness is not just what you can do, but what you were born to do, enjoy doing, and do well.

So what can we do to embrace and express our talents instead of trying to make excuses for them, or justify them through some application of experience? Here are seven ways that I believe you can learn to harness and express your gifts:

Resist the Urge To Justify – Wayne Dyer is famous for the quote, “What others think of me is none of my business.” I love that quote! We often feel the need to justify our actions, like everyone outside is watching and forming judgments. The truth is they often are. But justifying (or attempting to justify) does nothing to prove to ourselves or others that we should or shouldn’t be doing something. By resisting the urge to justify, we are simply making the statement that, “This is who I am, I am not certain why, and it doesn’t really matter.”

Act On Your Intuition – Trusting your intuition is the ultimate act of embracing your gifts. Intuition is your immediate understanding of something; there’s no need to think it over or get another opinion—you just know. By learning to not just TRUST this understanding, but in fact to ACT UPON it, we are honoring our gifts and enhancing their power.

Enhance Your Awareness – It is very challenging to figure out the areas of our giftedness on our own. When you use your giftedness, you don’t think about using it, you just use it. You don’t notice that you’re using it. It doesn’t seem remarkable. Indeed, you wouldn’t think of doing life any other way. In order to capitalize on our giftedness you must pay attention to HOW you are acting and WHEN it seems that you are using our gift. This enhanced awareness will increase the comfort and ease with which you use your gifts.

Stop Apologizing – Over-apologizing is a gift-killer. We’ll say things like, “I don’t want to offend you by saying this, but…” or “this may come across as a little insensitive, but…” By pre-qualifying, or apologizing for our opinions we are seeking to minimize the impact that they have on others sensitivities. It means that we believe that their feelings are more important that our living into our truths. In order to harness our gifts, we must feel free to express them in a way that honors our true self. Just don’t be an asshole about it and it will all be okay 🙂

Be Serious – We tend to hide our insecurities behind humor and in doing so, our strong beliefs (gifts) can become watered down and ineffective. You KNOW when you are speaking your truth…so SPEAK it seriously and with conviction. You also KNOW when you’re masking your true feelings behind passive aggressiveness and humor…stop it.

Listen For Approval – Don’t SEEK approval, but LISTEN for it. Because it is often hard to see our own gifts, we have to look for other ways to identify when we are using them. More often than not we are sensitive to others when they are disagreeing with us, but oblivious when they are agreeing with us. Approval is validation that what we are saying is resonating with others. Bonus points for putting a strongly contradictory opinion into a conversation and finding that it’s not all that contradictory at all.

Push Through Resistance – One of the most challenging things to do when honoring our gifts is to push through our resistance to USE them. Because our gifts are often not shared by others, this means that we can encounter unexpected resistance when using them. Here’s a trick: If it feels like you should say something, but by saying it you may upset the balance of the conversation, LEAN-IN to that resistance and find a way to say it, and MEAN it, in a way that allows others to find the truth in it without making their stance wrong.

When you fully embrace your gifts, and allow your talents to express them, you are SERVING the world and the people in it. By trusting your gifts and not allowing your own self-consciousness or others lack of understanding derail you from your purpose, you can most effectively become the person that you’ve always known you could be.